Journal Entry – 08/10/2019 – Reflection

I have completed a lot of self-healing this past year, however, healing is as infinite as the soul. Below is a journal entry I wrote last year, at my work, when I was going through confusion, heartache, and low self-worth and self-doubt as I was not feeling competent in my career choice or life path. Now, however, that is a different story. Read, please, enjoy, and learn. Grow. This post will be dissected another time. Happy Holidays ❤ 

Some days I feel like giving up or disappearing. Petty BS is getting to me. I am tired of accommodating for others. I can’t win for losing at times. I am exaggerating a bit. I would rather write my thoughts on paper right now than vent them to Jesse. I waste enough of his time by using him as ‘avoidance’ or distraction… I waste my own time and abuse my body, in a sense, for other individual’s gain. I let myself be treated like I am nothing, because I feel like I am not worthy. I know that’s not true. I know I can’t escape life or avoid my insecurities. Just right now, I feel worthless. I feel like I want to be invisible, I feel I want to be alone. Longer I live in this world, harder it gets. Yeah. That’s how life works. If I die, I’ll just be sent back to learn lessons. To become stronger. Just right now I feel shitty. It will pass. Or I’ll become numb. Go through motions… Peace at the end of a tunnel… Nope. Just a broken rainbow with no gold. Two steps forward, one step back. The dam will eventually break. I wonder what will be there…. Better stop writing, hide this note, and go back to the reality of going through motions. Peace and love… whatever that means right now. 

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