FATHER

Fishing is a chance to wash one’s soul with pure air, with the rush of the brook, or with the shimmer of the son on the blue water. And it is discipline in the equality of man – for all men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover  

It may no longer be Father’s Day, however, parents, or those who raised us and helped shape us to who we become into the world, should be celebrated/appreciated daily. Our parents are who assist us to create wisdom – good and bad – and this in time, allows us to choose the path we wish to in life, either to keep the engrained core beliefs or be the change in the familia system, breaking generational ties.  

As can be pictured Symbolically, the Mother and Father are both GOD within the collective consciousness or the universe. Thusly, Female and male is necessary – energy or physical – for creation of new life – physical life or spiritual life. 

As a mother, female, we are soft and soothing, intuitive, and protective when necessary – we hold the power of subtility and, at the same time, powerful strength for creation, child bearing, and child raising; as a woman we hold the world together while the man (Father) protects, provides, and does the extraordinary duties that are not so appealing/pretty to the rational mind. 

My speech may be flowery, fluff, but it is my own personal expression. This post is partly for/about my father – though I do not think he will ever read it – maybe in time I’ll share my writings with my family, but for now, in silence speech, I share this with you, whomever may be reading my words. 

My father goes by the nickname of Rocky – big fists since two years of age, which means good working hands, were once thought of boxing hands from my grandfather, who thought for sure he’d grow up a fighter. 

My father met my mother right after High School, and for the past 42 years, he has been devoted in some form to her; despite being separated since 1998, my parents have yet to divorce. My father loves my mother, a love I feel my mother never returned, but it may not be her fault, how to love is taught to us by our parents; but nothing is ever permanent.  

I look up to my father for his loyalty to his family, his beliefs, and his pride in the work he completed as a Journeyman Electrician. My dad always put – and puts – 110 % in everything he does or commits to. My father, to me, embodies the essence of male energy. However, my father does soften into the feminine energy, when showing love and emotion to his children – however small. 

As a child who was innocent, shy, naïve, I followed my mother around, and took in the knowledge she taught to me; I grew up thinking, my father is an asshole, until my mid teenage years, when I learned the truths hidden from us from childhood. 

As a child I did not see my father a whole lot – he worked long hours during the week, and most attention I received from him was when he’d pick my siblings and I up from our babysitter’s home. On the weekends, my father was busy with my brothers doing ‘boy stuff’, hunting, fishing, and baseball.  

My father was a great bass fisherman in his younger years, great pool player, liked to arm wrestle, and was a great hunter. As he aged, as the years with my mother grew, children came and career developed, his interest and love for wilderness of the desert dwindled and his interest/competitive nature shrunk. I feel, though, it is still within him. 

My father and I became close in my adult years, and I now look up to him for his strong nature and attitude, his no nonsense personality, and facts of life lessons – however I do not agree to black and white statements or prejudices, but I know this to be taught to him by his parents.  

My father taught me: how to love unconditionally, honesty, loyalty, and pride in our passions/pursuits, and to push through adversity. My father taught me, what I want in a relationship with the opposite sex (genuine, true to self, honesty, loyalty, strength (internal and physical, to show emotion). My father taught me, too, what I do not want in a relationship with the opposite sex (one way of thinking, not letting go when should, dwelling on the past, giving up passions). 

I love my father and admire him. He, like my mother, taught me lessons which are still with me – core beliefs I wish to keep and change. I feel my father is a mix of male and female energy, but to further heal from trauma, he should accept the softer sides of himself. Maybe, in his later age, he will. I currently live with my father, with no shame, and I feel this has made us closer, and humbled my father a bit. Maybe, he will heal in time after all, heal from the self-inflicted wounds of life experience, and life experience with my troubled mother.  

I am not like most of my family. And I am coming out of hiding. 

More to come. I love you father! But I am not just going to get by anymore.  

Peace & Love ❤

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