Marriages stop. Marriages change. People are always saying a marriage “failed.” It’s such a negative way of putting it. Failure is terribly important. Perhaps that’s why I’m saying: the notion that failure is a negative thing is wrong. Emma Thompson
I am not married, nor have I had experience with long-term relationships, despite being 29 years old. However, when I was growing up, in years of wonderment and daydream, I imagined what a marriage would be like, and who my other half would be. I had a vision of this individual when I was 13, even, but still haven’t met him yet!
For Christmas some years back, I received a few Chicken Soup for the Soul Word Finds for Christmas with inspirational quotes, and the above quote is one of them that I found intriguing that I saved. As Mother Day is next month, followed by Father’s Day in June, I feel it is a good time to create this post on marriage.
First comes love, then comes marriage, followed by a baby in a baby carriage – maybe not so much in the modern western world. I am writing, from the point-of-view of marriage, by witnessing my parents.
My parents are still technically married, though been separated since 1998. They have been married for 42 years now, and my eldest brother will be 43 in September. I feel, my father has always loved my mother, but my mother may not have truly loved my father, maybe, because she didn’t know how. They married because my mother became pregnant. However, time marches on.
My parents would argue/fight frequently due to finances, and my father questioning my mother’s loyalty during her period of Substance Use due to a mental illness (Bipolar 1) to which was undiagnosed nor treated once diagnosed (My mother refused therapy and medications). My parents did their best to hide family concerns when we were growing up, but kids see, feel and hear everything; so, do not stay together for the kids! Does not work in your or their’s favor (speaking from experience). Despite my parent’s flaws (who is perfect anyway?), they had and have good attributes to which contributed to being good parents.
My father: loyal, responsible, trustworthy and trusting, hardworking, and resilient. My father’s most strong attribute to which I consider part of a strong marriage – or relationship of any kind – is genuine communication and honesty (ok, suppose it was two after all). My mother attribute(s) are: her instinct to nurture, sense of humor, extraverted personality and free spirit. I feel her most strong attribute is her nurturing nature, to which made her a caring mother despite her mental struggles. I suppose I spoke more about personality traits; however, they are important for a relationship too. My mother’s love is unconditional toward her children despite not being toward my father.
What I would like in a long-term relationship that may turn into marriage, is a mix of my mother and father’s personalities. I want clear, honest communication, loyalty, compromise when needed, and a sense of humor/free spirit, not to cheat, but to develop our own interests that will contribute to each other’s wellbeing. Of course, love will be there. One day, some day, I will meet this person, but for now, I refuse to rush in.
I am glad my parent’s separated when they did. Staying together when love is not there anymore and feeling unhappy with one another is not the way to raise children. Neither one of my parents re-married of found their ‘other half’, but have always supported their children, which could be why we are all, in our own way’s, successful.
Stay well, stay tuned. Peace & Love ❤ Happy Spring! The season of change, growth, and new beginnings. Similar to a fresh marriage!