Dream Journal 19: the Truth about the Self

“The truth about the self – the union of good and evil – come out concretely in the paradox that although sin is the gravest and most pernicious thing there is, it’s still not so serious that it can’t be disposed of with probability arguments, nor is this a lax of frivolous proceeding but simply a necessity of life. At the same time the conflict remains in full force, as is once more consistent with the antinomian character of a self that’s itself both conflict and unity.” – C.G. Jung

Written on: 10.29.2015

I entered REM sleep tonight, the first time in a long while. I slept as if I were a child. I woke up feeling happy, a feeling I rarely feel spontaneously. It felt wonderful to wake up rested. It brought back times in my childhood, when I felt carefree, slept with no worries on my innocent mind…

I dreamt of Evelyn, my childhood babysitter, tonight. I dreamt of visiting her at her trailer home, the last residence she owned, 14 years ago now… the last time I’ve seen her. She was a special soul. There are a few in this western world quite like her. She comes from an older time, when things in mind were ‘simple’, and when people had to physically work for shelter, food, and success… where neighbors knew and helped one another.

She spoke to us like adults, meaning she never sugar-coated truth, even to the children she watched over. I learned a lot from Evelyn. Many of my earliest memories are with her. In my dream I was visiting her at her home. She was happy to see me, (I was with my father, sister and younger brother too) but I felt a sadness around her.

She was older, yet looked the same to me, (she was an older lady, around my Grammy’s age). I rarely saw her as ‘old’. Her spirit was bright, it out shined marks of ‘old age’ in the eyes of an innocent child.

The sadness I felt was of the years of few visitors. Only a few people visited her (her daughters and good friends (Bill and July?)) and the mailman (she always had a dry sense of humor, but was not the cold kind, she always was warm in words, even in truth speaking).

I felt a pull in my chest, and I wished at that moment my family never lost contact with her. I felt I’d be much happier if I could have grown up, fully, with her guidance and wisdom. The woman who was like a mother to me. I was happiest as a child in her presence… the scent of orange blossom is one of my favorites still, as is the scent of lemon in a clean kitchen… sometimes as I walk along the canal I recall playing in her backyard where the orange trees and frog pond were, and along the fence that was near the canal…

She is sick now I feel, age is getting to her, her long battle with diabetes, and bone marrow injections (I forget technical words) has weakened her body. The dream was telling me this… it’s good to know she has her memories still… I wonder if my family and I are in them still… if so, I hope it is happy memories, too…

Orange blossoms… frog pond in Spring… baby birds… love and happiness in the innocent heart of a child.

My dreams of late have been of different paths in my subconscious. I recently (2 weeks ago now) began to recall my dreams. At first it was of present time and worries, but now I’m noticing the path going backwards, as if searching within my subconscious… I will do my best to keep track of my significant dreams… I’m glad to know I’m still connected to my self…

orange blossom, baby birds, frogs, me, happy… free

One thought on “Dream Journal 19: the Truth about the Self

  1. Pingback: Year 4: Life, Reflections, Myths, Psyche | Inside A Soul

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