A lot has happened this year, 2011. A lot of changes for me, family, and friends. Everyone is feeling some sort of change throughout the world, even, with all these natural disasters, such as the tsunami that happened in Japan, and earthquakes, new wars. Sadly, the worse is yet to come, and many are realizing it far too late. But, this is how Mother Nature works, or shall I say God? The Mother, the Father? Call it what you will, it is just another evolution. We all will need to learn to deal and adapt and also help ease the pain and destruction that will happen. We ALL have to learn to stay focused and calm, not chaotic and full of panic. It’s a hard world, always has been, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth living in and adapting to. This planet is a living, breathing, being of its own, with a time clock not so different from our own. The time is almost up. We need to be prepared. We will see who is the lucky, worthy ones, who will stay calm and survive to the New Age.
I have been reading about the unconscious since the middle of February, C.G. Jung’s work at the moment. I will be going back to school on campus this August, so I’ll read some books they have there on the unconscious and psychology, which is the unconscious (psyche). He was a recommended read by an online friend.
I still play [online games]. I still have a few long lasting friends that take my moods, though my moods are happening less often. The apple meditation brought out all sides of my Ego, the images/archetypes, that are part of my personality. Since that last day of meditation, my mind, body, and spirit have been going through a change, which caused a change in my external environment as well. The past 3 months I have been going through a lot of confusion and emotions I can’t explain, though they were just me getting in touch with my inner self. I am to write down my feelings and emotions, draw the images and beings I speak to, in order to understand myself, and also in order to help others. Through change I have found more direction in life. I know where I am going and who I want to be… I learned that… there’s a spirit helping me make my dreams into a reality. The Images, fantasies, stories, worlds in my mind are real. My writings will be of them. Everyone who cares to see will see the Inner me. Most of my work will be marked under Fiction, but that doesn’t meant the inner message of the book is fiction. I have created nothing, it is all part of me by the archetypes in my mind. They are my guides. I have yet to know my full potential, or even what’s fully in my unconscious mind, but I am learning little by little, one day I will see, and I will share it to the world, whoever wants to see.
I am interested in alchemy and mythology as well, both part of our minds. Mythologies are our unconscious expressions…
Shortly after writing the previous entry, I stumbled onto the works of Carl Jung, introduced to me by an online friend, and since then, my mind began to shift, and I started to understand myself more and more. 2011 is the year I started meditation, even though I did not remain consistent with it.
What I learned has stayed with me, and I learned, now speaking, that no matter how long you spend away from meditation or prayer, you go back to where you left off, as if time has not passed, for the source and light within do not judge time, nor us, but accept that we have returned our focus on the light within and without. As told by the works of Carlos Castaneda, eternity truly is all around us.
I use to hide from the outside world behind this computer day in, and day out, searching for comfort through online friends and online games, rarely did I interact with the outside world. Due to my confusion, depression, and ‘negative’ thoughts I had continuous mood swings, because I felt trapped and did not know at the time how to get out of what I was feeling. Meditation, and long walks, helped me to regulate my moods at this time.
I still enjoy exploring my internal world, and one day would like to put it in black and white print, although it will not give it justice. In 2010 I began sketch drawing, but have yet to experiment with color and painting, though I will soon enough once I have the means to. I am slowly, but surely, putting into concrete form the images of my mind. I have an urge to do so, for my own benefit. Only time and action will tell what will become of my ‘works’, all guided by my unconscious.
I had a dream in 2011 that ignited the fire of creation for my art, and was a confirmation that what I am doing (although I do not know what I do half the time, lol) is what I am suppose to be doing, and that it is good for me to express myself through forms of art (whether it is creative writing, sketching, or whatever form I decided to express my creativity). Art it is good therapy.
I barely have begun to interact with the world around me, on my own. I avoided society for a long time, but I am now proud to say I am ready to enter the ‘real world’, beyond fantasy.