The saying goes “everything happens for a reason,” but what does that really mean?
I met a man but I can not be with him. Yet, we were meant to meet, for some reason. Maybe a lesson to learn like ‘resist temptation’, but our relation is more than that. We are to learn something from each other. I don’t know yet what that might mean… may mean nothing at all…
I do not care that my family won’t accept him. I do not care about his baggage, past, and current situation. I do not want a fantasy. I want real. I won’t run from him, though he may start avoiding me. I will take it how it is, and not listen to others judgments. I know me. I am learning him. I am not saying we are ‘forever together’ individuals, or that we’ll be in love or in any type of intimate relationship. I just know I want him in my life. I don’t want him to disappear like the others… let him tell me that he is leaving… don’t let me stay in wonderment and what ifs…I know he’s not good for me, but he’s not bad either… I just want a chance to feel – to really feel – instead of just living in a consistent fantasy. I’m tired of fantasy. I want real. No matter how hard and painful it may be. I want to feel real again… I want to feel… something for another. Something… I want to feel…
Thoughts are running around in my head like a Marry-go-round. Around and around and around and around they do go.
…everything happens for a reason…
…he’s no good
And I then begin to think
This isn’t real
What I feel
It’s only real when I’m with you
Skin upon skin
With only a feather like touch
Then a thought strikes me
I want to feel…
And I recall the
Late night talks
Tip toe walks~
My thoughts challenge each other continuously, one saying one thing, one saying another. One side is telling me that what I feel isn’t real and that he’ll take the easy road and forget me, while the other side is telling me that feelings are real, and recalling those tender memories are ok. I have decided to stop pondering and trying to pick a side. I will let it flow as it should, how it should, with no regrets or judgment on my choices. It is up to me, in the end, and my thoughts are controlled by me. It’s up to me, myself, and I. I am patient. I will keep moving forward. I will keep moving forward, and I will see how this may end.